AI Engineer/Japanese Language Educator
1/11/2026
Do you believe in the saying "Silence is golden"?
When I first came to Japan, this phrase was my "bible for interpersonal relationships." When someone was speaking, I would stare intently into their eyes and listen silently until the very end without uttering a word. I believed without doubt that this was the greatest respect I could show to the speaker, and a sign that "I am absorbing 100% of what you're saying."
However, an incident at the office one day completely shattered my confidence.
It happened when my supervisor was explaining important changes to a project. As usual, I was being the "perfect listener," sitting motionless like a statue, even keeping my breathing quiet as I listened. Suddenly, my supervisor stopped talking and, with an anxious or perhaps slightly irritated expression, said:
"...Hey, are you listening? Do you understand?"
I froze. "Of course I am! I'm taking notes on every single word!" I screamed in my mind, but at that moment, I realized there was an invisible, massive "cultural wall" standing between me and Japanese society.
In this article, I'll share what I learned from such failures about the truth of "listening" in Japan—namely, the magical noise called "aizuchi." By reading this article, you'll learn three things:
I'll provide you with hints to transform your "silence" into "warm sounds" starting today.
The words thrown at me by my supervisor that day weren't just a simple confirmation—they came with a shock that felt like "my personality was being denied." This was because I thought of myself as a "good listener."
In my home country, interrupting someone's speech with sounds is considered rude behavior. However, it was different in the Japanese office. My "silence" appeared to my supervisor as "indifference," "incomprehension," or even "defiance."
In the world of Japanese language education, this is called "Pragmatic Failure." It's a phenomenon where, even though the grammar is correct, you cause discomfort to the other person by behaving in a way that doesn't match the social rules of the situation.
I had been tripped up by exactly this kind of "invisible rule."
Shocked by the experience, I stopped by a café alone on my way home that day. At the next table, two Japanese women were chatting happily. As I sat there feeling down, their conversation reached my ears with a strange rhythm.
【Café Conversation Example】
Person A: "Yesterday, I was so tired from work..."
Person B: "Uh-huh, uh-huh (deep nodding)"
Person A: "I stopped by the supermarket on my way home, but all the prepared foods were sold out"
Person B: "Oh no! That's terrible"
Person A: "Right? So I ended up just getting something from a convenience store"
Person B: "Ah, that happens sometimes"
The scene was like New Year's "mochi-pounding." When one person pounds the mochi (speaks), the other person immediately puts their hands in and makes a sound (gives aizuchi). It was an amazing tempo that didn't allow even a moment of silence.
That's when I realized: "Conversation in Japan isn't about exchanging information—it's about confirming resonance."
By interjecting sounds while the other person was speaking, they were continuously sending signals saying "I am here. I am catching your words." What I was missing was this audible beacon of "I am on your side."
From the next day, I courageously began practicing "making sounds." At first, I was afraid I was interrupting the other person's speech, but when I tried it, the effect was surprisingly positive.
Here, I'll introduce practical variations of aizuchi that you can use starting today, carefully selected from my 10 years of experience.
Start by learning to use these three appropriately.
These are magical phrases that make the other person want to talk more.
When you can't think of a phrase, just repeat the end of what the other person said.
【Conversation Example with Colleague】
Colleague: "I recently started going to the gym"
You: "Ah, the gym! (Repeat)"
Colleague: "Yes, about three times a week"
You: "Three times a week! That's amazing"
| Expression | Formality Level | Usage Scene | Target Person |
|---|---|---|---|
| Sayou de gozaimasu ka | ★★★★★ | Very important meetings/customer service | Clients/executives |
| Ossharu toori desu | ★★★★☆ | Business meetings/reports | Supervisors/business partners |
| Sou desu ne / Naruhodo | ★★★☆☆ | Daily office conversation | Colleagues/seniors |
| Un / Sou nan da | ★☆☆☆☆ | Drinking parties/lunch | Friends/juniors |
I'll explain the pitfalls that Japanese language learners most commonly fall into in Q&A format.
A: This is the most important point! The Japanese "hai" is not "YES (agreement)" but a sign of "I'm listening."
In Western cultures, saying "Yes" means you've accepted the content, but "hai" as aizuchi in Japanese is merely a confirmation sound meaning "your voice has reached my ears."
Advice: When you want to avoid misunderstandings, separate understanding from agreement by saying "Hai, ossharu imi wa wakarimasu (demo...)" (Yes, I understand what you mean, but...).
A: In Japan, what feels like "too much" is actually just right.
Of course, speaking so loudly that the other person's words can't be heard is not good, but adding small "un"s or nods after each sentence (punctuation mark) is the standard rhythm.
A: Actually, you need to be careful in business situations!
"Naruhodo" can sometimes carry the nuance of "I have evaluated your opinion and given it a passing grade," so with very strict supervisors or clients, it's safer to use "Ossharu toori desu" (You're absolutely right) or "Benkyou ni narimasu" (That's educational).
Several years have passed since that day. Now I consciously make "noise" in conversations with my colleagues.
When asked for directions on the train:
"That corner over there, yes, I understand, thank you"
while interjecting "hai" and nods with each step.
By accumulating these small sounds, I can see the other person's expression becoming visibly softer. It's no longer just an exchange of information, but a pleasant "dance."
In Japan, silence is not necessarily a "virtue." Rather, it can become a "lonely wall" that makes the other person anxious.
The small noises you make—"hai," "un," "hee"—are never meant to disturb the other person. They are like gentle candles lit in the darkness, showing "I am listening carefully to what you have to say."
It's okay to make mistakes. Start by observing the rhythm of conversations around you. Surely, Japan will feel warmer and more familiar to you.
AI Engineer/Japanese Language Educator