AI Engineer/Japanese Language Educator
2/4/2026
"Why won't he apologize?" "Doesn't he realize he did something wrong?"
If you're a manager or Japanese language teacher working with Vietnamese people in Japan, you've probably had these questions at least once. When a mistake occurs at work, the expected "apology first" from a Japanese perspective doesn't come, and instead, an endless explanation of "why it happened" follows... This scenario is one of the most frequent cross-cultural frictions in the workplace.
However, let me be clear: Vietnamese people don't apologize not because they're insincere or unrepentant. In fact, behind this lies a critical difference in the definition of "Sincerity" and a mismatch in the "functions" that language serves.
In this article, drawing from over 10 years of experience in Japanese language education and a sociolinguistic perspective, I will unravel this deep divide surrounding "sumimasen." By reading this article, you should be able to abandon stereotypical prejudices and master concrete methods for building constructive communication.
The key points of this article are the following three:
While Japanese people repeatedly say "sumimasen," Vietnamese people hesitate to apologize. At the root of this phenomenon lies a social-psychological difference in "how the self is perceived."
In Vietnamese culture, apology (Xin lỗi) is a weighty act performed only "when there is clear fault on one's part." If you apologize in a situation where you have no direct responsibility, it becomes "lying" and can even be considered insincere.
In contrast, the Japanese "sumimasen" is not solely for clarifying where responsibility lies. It functions as an "adjustment valve" to calm the disturbance in the "atmosphere (wa)" caused by one's actions or presence.
In technical terms, this is called a "self-effacement" strategy. It's a technique to minimize friction in human relationships by lowering oneself to elevate the other person.
| Item | Vietnamese Culture | Japanese Culture |
|---|---|---|
| Timing of apology | Only when there is clear fault | When the atmosphere is disturbed, when causing inconvenience |
| How to show sincerity | Conveying facts accurately | Apologizing first, empathizing with the other's feelings |
| Meaning of apology | Acknowledgment of responsibility | Relationship repair/lubricant |
| Explaining reasons | Essential information for improvement | Often taken as "making excuses" |
Thus, when Japanese people wish for "an apology first," they're seeking "emotional care," while when Vietnamese people "explain reasons," they intend to provide "sincere reporting for preventing recurrence." This gap creates the tragedy of both sides feeling the other is "insincere."
In linguistics, failures that occur because usage doesn't match the situation, despite correct grammar, are called "pragmatic failures." Let's look at specific scenarios.
【Conversation in the office】 Supervisor: "The numbers in this document are wrong." Vietnamese employee: "Ah, that's because the system was unstable yesterday and the data wasn't reflected correctly." Supervisor: (Annoyed) "You should apologize first!"
【Analysis】 The Vietnamese employee believes that conveying "the cause (facts)" is sincere reporting. However, the supervisor seeks "empathetic apology" for the increased workload caused by the mistake. When the employee doesn't say "sumimasen," the supervisor sees them as "a prideful person who shifts responsibility."
【Daily conversation】 Japanese person: "This is just a small thing, but please accept it." Vietnamese person: "Thank you." Japanese person: "No, no, I don't know if it suits your taste, but sumimasen." Vietnamese person: (Thinking) "Huh? Why are they apologizing? Is there poison in it?"
【Analysis】 The Japanese person is expressing humility: "Sumimasen for making you use your precious time (eating time) for me." However, for people from cultures that associate apology with "fault," an apology without reason can lead to distrust, wondering "Is there something being hidden?"
In many Southeast Asian countries including Vietnam, people sometimes "smile" when feeling embarrassed or confused, or when trying to calm the other person's anger. This is called "Hiya (Philippines)" or a similar cultural sense. However, in Japan, smiling when being scolded is a sign of "zero reflection."
To overcome this cultural barrier, it's important not to force "When in Rome, do as the Romans do," but to logically explain "the difference in systems."
Redefine it by saying, "It's something you use like a greeting, even when you don't think you did anything wrong."
When reporting mistakes at work, present a format that combines emotion and words.
【Recommended Reporting Pattern】
1. Apology (cushion): "Sumimasen"
2. Factual report: "The numbers were wrong"
3. Explanation of reason: "Due to the system's influence..."
4. Future measures: "I will double-check from now on"
When you tell learners, "Before stating the reason, just add a 'sumimasen' tag for one second," they find it easier to accept.
Japanese people also need to change their interpretation: "They're explaining reasons not to lie, but to share the cause for preventing recurrence." Instead of cutting them off with "Stop making excuses," explain the culture with reasoning: "I understand the circumstances. But in Japan, when you first say 'sumimasen,' the other person feels reassured that 'you understand my feelings.'"
In Japanese language education, teaching only the meaning (Semantic) of words is insufficient. Teaching what role (Pragmatic) those words play in that society is what leads to true cross-cultural understanding.
Vietnamese people who don't say "sumimasen" are by no means insincere. Rather, they are trying very seriously to face the facts. For them to demonstrate that sincerity in the Japanese context as well, we educators and managers need to become cultural "interpreters."
When we understand not the "good or bad" of cultures but the "difference in systems," the atmosphere in the workplace or classroom changes dramatically. Let's believe in each other's "sincerity" and build bridges of words.
From the Author's Perspective As a Japanese language teacher, I have seen many Vietnamese learners tearfully say, "Teacher, I don't want to apologize because I don't want to lie." Protecting their pride and sincerity while teaching them how to be loved in Japanese society—isn't this the form of education we should aim for?
AI Engineer/Japanese Language Educator